Day 9: All shut-eye ain't sleep. And all goodbye ain't gone. "The Other Mother"

Ann-Marie:

I spend a great deal of time encouraging people to jump into "the conversation." Some days it's about keeping a brand presence in the media stream, other days it's about speaking up to make difference in a community, and still others it's about surrounding oneself with the people that make the greatest difference in your life.

The deaths of both my mother and sister left huge voids in my life, but the unconditional love and words of my own "other mothers" have filled that space with a great deal of abundance. Some years, the only sense of family I had. And now years later as my father has found his own way past grief and relinquished a strictly conservative point of view I find that "rememoir" serves as a catalyst for healing a relationship that lay dormant for way too many years.  Many of the conversations I've shared publicly in reconnecting with my father are couched in humor...as two individuals in later life walking past what they don't know and can't remember has its levity in bonding. I imagine the stories and conversations the readers find in the book keep Bryne alive for you. We tend to do that with the people we hold dear.

Teresa:

I never tired of listening to Byrne's stories.  Over  the course of living with her when she had the blood clot, her memories flowed into mine.  Especially the love stories involving Duncan.  I was so young and so yearning for examples of
real, mutual, respectful love that I made them into a fairy tale.  It was naive, at first.  But gradually I realized that Bryne had choreographed parts of the story. At first I felt cheated when I learned that Duncan wasn't what she had led me to believe (that's as much as I can say without spoiling the ending for those of you who haven't read it yet.) Let's just say I figured it out before it was too late.  Here's a moment from a difficult conversation we had on the porch, over a glass of wine.

"We're always," Byrne started to say before she shifted back to past tense. "We were always joined at the hip and people used to tease me, asking if Duncan always held my hand or if it was just for show." I was surprised Bryne cared what others thought. "I knew we were equals, true partners in life's journey.  But I got all the attention and he got lost in my shuffle..."

At last I could participate in the conversation. I knew what she needed to hear. So this is how that conversation ended.

"The Gullah have a saying," I said to Bryne. I could sense she wanted to be alone with the regret that kept Duncan close. It was time for me to kiss her cheeks and say goodnight. "It goes something like this. All shut-eye ain't sleep. and all goodbye ain't gone."

I came to know the magnitude and depth of this love that had once seemed almost unreal.  Writing this memoir was like having a conversation with Bryne ~ along with all her collected daughters.  I interviewed as many of them as I could for the book and the amazing thing was we all remembered the same core stories of affirmation and love. Then when I started pouring through Bryne's papers at the Beaufort County Library's Special Collection I found them again, in newspaper and magazine articles.  She had seduced almost every reporter she met, not just me!

It's funny, for years after her death I found myself wishing I could share experiences with Bryne. I missed her in so many ways.  But writing it all down, digging deeper into all the conversations we had on her screened porch stage, has helped close the grieving cycle. She's with me now, listening in on every conversation, comment, tweet and book signing.  And I'm certain she's loving every minute of it.

The Other Mother: A Rememoir by Teresa Bruce

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